The Trouble with Photo Memories

We all have at least one device that stores our photos and likes to suggest we view a slideshow set to music or a pop-up gallery of “snowy day” memories.

For me, they’re everywhere. My iPhone, echo show, and even my smart tv likes to flash these memories on the screen every chance it gets. At first glance I thought it was a lovely idea to set our tv’s screensaver to the “Show Daily Memories” setting, but it turns out- it’s not always lovely.

Not every photo memory comes with a swooning, “Oh, I remember that day- such a lovely day.” Some days there are memories that are just too painful. I have been learning that if I’m not in the right mindset, those photo memories can send me down a path of regret and sadness- not memory lane.

A few weeks ago, our tv went to screensaver mode and presented its first photo memory- our rottweiler, Hazel, fills the screen. My whole mood suddenly jerks from “doing ok” to “sad” as grim memories take over. Memories of the days she was so sick she could barely walk and the moment she looked into my husband’s eyes before the veterinarian tech filled her veins with the cocktail of euthanasia drugs begin a hostile takeover. It’s nearly bedtime and now I find myself spiraling into thoughts of death- the biggest culprit for my nighttime anxiety. Great.

After a hard and frustrating day that I’ve battled ghosts from my past, the echo show pulls up a picture of my daughter with her ex-best friend. I was already struggling with regret and beating myself up for not doing better as a mom and now that photo glared at me as I stood at the kitchen sink- “Where did it go so wrong? Was there something I could have done?”

Reminiscing and flipping through photo albums can be a good practice from time to time, but only when we are somewhat prepared to be reminded of difficult times. For me, the worst thing is being caught off guard. My mind is already erratically darting from one thought to the next on its own without photo memories barging in.

I have updated the screensaver settings on the tv to show beautiful landscape photos from around the world. Instead of dwelling on the past, I look at the screen and think, “What a beautiful place. I’d love to go there someday.” Dreaming of the future sure beats dwelling on the past, that’s for sure.

As far as my phone and the echo show… don’t worry, I’m not about to go on a Delete Photos Frenzy! It doesn’t do anyone any good to erase memories of challenging or sad times—we need those reminders to keep us moving forward and to stay grounded. Instead, I’m going to work on giving myself compassion and grace. Rather than magnifying the heartbreak and disappointment, I’m going to work on focusing on the lessons I learned and the growth that came because of my mistakes. Learn. Grow. Move on. Repeat.